27.07.2015

I have always thought twice before speaking to my father. I love him, no doubt. And he does, too. But I’ve always wondered if parents were supposed to be those people in your life that you could share anything with. They are always there for you. Not only to support you in the career but also in your personal life. But my mother would be busy in her own career, household chores, and to look after my younger brother. All of these things would consume her time. She would be left with little to no time for me. So our bond never grew much.

My father had always been disappointed with my academics since he couldn’t believe that when he had religiously been the topper of his class and school then how could I, his daughter be so weak in academics. He always told me that I needed to ignite the fuel of passion within me. Only then would I be able to achieve something. I had tried implementing my father’s wise words time and again. But I could never hold on to a grudge or the ignited passion for a long time. My father must have understood it because now he has stopped talking to me frequently. And the only reason for which he was talking to me previously was to advise me, to make sure that I don’t go too deep into failure that it would become difficult to pull me out of it. I cannot remember the last time my father must have talked to me about something other than my career or how if I don’t become responsible then it would ruin my life.

I often wondered that even if I achieve something, become successful then would he talk to me about random little things or would he still talk about how I can do better or what should my next target in life be? Maybe fathers and mothers were there to just guide you in your life and to make sure to pull you out of anything that they think would ruin your future. But then why were some of my friend’s parents always eager to talk to their kids about small things that would hold little to no importance in their future. My brother also talks to my mother about the daily things that happened in his school. He would talk to me about it, too. Why couldn’t I have that relationship with my parents?

Maybe it’s too much to ask when my parents feel that I’m irresponsible. Maybe, just maybe they’ll talk to me about it when they feel that I’ve become successful. Then there are thoughts like what if I fail in life continuously. My parents would be disappointed in me. They would give up on me and then stop guiding me. Stop talking to me. What if after they die, I happen to succeed in something and then I would always wonder if my parents would talk to me about random little things like don’t they feel that Marvel is better than DC?

I know that my kids would always be free to talk to their father. They would that know I am not only there to guide them in their lives but also to talk about stupid and funny things in life. I won’t let them feel what I felt during childhood and in my teenage.

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